It has been more than a year since i’ve last blogged.. Over the past year, I have resigned from Pacnet, started working with a new company since March 2008. MOM contact centre. Started out as a call agent, just became ATL in October. Work is good, colleagues are great.. Fell for someone over the past few months, got together for a little over a month, and *poof* it was over.

Right.. I’m in trouble again.. I seem to blog only when im in trouble, when i dont know what to say to people anymore. Though the time together was short, but the pain is no less than the previous one. Dont want to go into the details, but i really need time to get over him.

He seems to think that I dont understand that things are over between us and that we’re friends now, but i do. Im not an idiot. He claims that feelings can be transferred to friendship. Maybe for him can “transfer” in a snap, but i cant. I’ve been warned time and again, not to put in too much too soon. I only have myself to blame for the pain im feeling now.

He said that im still stuck in the past, that he thought i had emerged stronger after the prev relationship but he was wrong. But what he doesnt know was the amount of effort and hard work i had put in to get to where i was standing before he appeared. He doesnt know im hurting now because of him. He thinks we’re not compatible, that i dont understand him, he doesnt like people to control him and nag at him. He also said he cannot adapt to life as part of a couple and cannot commit or give any promises.

Firstly, we only know one another for months, how much does he expect me to understand about him. Some more, he always keeps quiet. If he doesnt tell me about his thoughts and feelings, how am i supposed to understand him? Secondly, I’ve never had the intention of controlling him. I only nag at him when he doesnt eat or work too late. All i ask of him is to at least let me know when he’s home so i know he’s safe. All these are my ways to show that I care. Thirdly, i never wanted him to commit or promise me anything. I just hope that we 2 be there for one another as a companion.

Im not asking him to come back to me now. I just need to time to get over this. He thinks i like to just burst out that way? The past 1 week plus had been a torture for me.. Pretending that im ok, that im not affected. Both in office and at home. I never intended to tell him all this cos i dowan to give him added stress cos it will worsen his gastric. But cos i swallow all my misery, he doesnt know how hard im trying to get over it, and assumes that im thinking too much. Maybe he assumes that im trying to get him to come back. I’m not.

Oh well.. just see how things go.. I dowan to think already.. So tired.. If i pretend long enough, it will become 2nd nature in due time. *Wishes self luck*

1. Hold your hands together, as if you were praying. Look at your hands.
If you see

Left thumb is below the right thumb —> left brain
Right thumb is below the left thumb —> right brain

2. Fold your arms in front of you (as if you are angry)

Right arm above left arm —> left brain
Left arm above right arm —> right brain

Based on 1+2 (order important), below is the interpretation of your personality:

Right-Left Considerate, traditional, indirect type can instinctively read other’s emotion, and respond friendly by natures. Although not very into taking initiatives in moving forward, but this person will always take a step back in supporting others. Stable personality and considerate, give others a being protected feeling. But the weakness is they cannot say no; regardless how unwilling they are, they will take care of others.

Right-Right: Loves challenges type Straightforward. Once they decided on one thing, will take action right away. Very curious, and love challenges. Dare to face dangers without thinking through (sometimes foolishly). Their weakness is they don’t listen to others, will filter in only what whey want to hear in a conversation, and very subjective. However, because of their straightforward attitude, they tend to be fairly popular.

Left-Left : Dedicated, cold, perfectionist Very logical in all aspects. The only way to defeat (or win over) him/her is through reasons. Has a lot of prides, and feeling strongly about doing the right thing. If they are your friends, they are very trustworthy. However, if they are your opponents, they will be very tough to deal with. Because they can be very ‘anal’ as a perfectionist, they usually leave a bad impression of being hard to deal with when first met.

Left-Right :Likes to take care of others, leader type Has a cool and keen observation ability to see through situations, yet still can be considerate in others needs. Because of their cool and calm nature, and strong sense of responsibility, they tend to become head of a group. Popular among people. However, they may not be able to help themselves in meddling because they want to take care of others too much. Very concerned about how others view them, and always on alert.

Hmmm.. I’m Left – Right.. Accurate?

Temperament

Idealist

You are the quintessential dreamer – spending more time thinking about the possibilities that the world holds for you, rather than your reality. You don’t settle for anything less than what you truly desire and you work very hard. You tend to live in every place except the present – you are prone to daydreaming about the future and re-thinking the choices you made in the past. Sometimes you get overly caught up in your thoughts.

Interests

Simple

You are continually pursuing a simpler and less complicated life – you don’t allow yourself to fall victim to all of the “should do’s” that society continually bombards you with. You are thoughtful about your life choices and think in terms of yourself, others and the world in which we live. You have a great sense that we are part of something much bigger and we must be good to others, if we want others and the world to be good to us.

Amusement

Adventurous

It’s a good thing that you are filled with energy and ambitions (that others sometimes find exhausting) because you’re continually looking for a new adventure and exciting experience. You struggle with a continual feeling of restlessness which constantly pushes you to the next level of excitement. Once you have accomplished one thing, you are eager to accomplish something more exciting, riskier and distinguishable.

Passion

Physical

You are a cuddle bug – from a warm hug shared with your best friend to steamy sex with your partner, you enjoy every bit of human contact that you can get. You demonstrate your love for others most fluidly through physical one-on-one contact and you feel the most loved when you are being touched. You feel disconnected when you are physically isolated from others. You’re a people person and a lover of all things human.

Found this off another dame’s blog. 🙂

[x] I know how to make a pot of coffee.
[x] I keep track of dates using a calender.
[x] I own more than one credit card.
[ ] I know how to change the oil in a car.
[ ] I know how to do my own laundry.
[x] I vote every election.
[x] I can cook for myself
[ ] I think politics are exciting.
[ ] I balance my checkbook.
[ ] My parents have better things to say than my friends.
Total: 5

[ ] I show up for school/college/work every day early.
[ ] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse.
[ ] I’ve never gotten a detention.
[x] I have never smoked a cigarette.
[x] I have never gotten completely trashed.
[ ] I have forgotten my own birthday at least once.
[x] I like to take walks by myself.
[x] I’ve watched talk shows.
[x] I know what ‘credibility’ means without looking it up.
[ ] I drink coffee at least once a week.
Total: 5

[x] I know how to do the dishes.
[x] I can count to 10 in another language.
[x] When I say I’m going to do something I do it.
[x] My parents trust me.
[ ] I can mow the lawn.
[x] I can make adults laugh without being stupid.
[ ] I remember to water the plants.
[x] I study when I have to.
[x] I pay attention at school/college.
[ ] I remember to feed my pets.
Total: 7

[x] I can spell ‘experience’ without looking it up
[ ] I work out on a regular basis.
[x] I clean up my own mess.
[ ] The people at Starbucks know me by name.
[ ] My favorite kind of food is take out.
[x] I have gained weight since middle/high school.
[ ] The first thing I do when I wake up is get caffeine.
[x] I can go to the store without getting something I don’t need.
[ ] I understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[x] I can type quickly.
Total: 5

[ ] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour.
[ ] My only friends are from my place of employment.
[ ] I have been to a tupperware party.
[ ] I have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[ ] I have more bills than I can pay.
[ ] All(most) my friends are older than I am.
[x] I can say no to staying out all night.
[x] I use the internet every day.
[ ] My wardrobe hasn’t changed in a while.
[x] I can read a book and actually finish it.
Total: 3

Grand Total: 5 + 5 + 7 + 5 + 3 = 25

Hmmz.. This thing is supposed to calculate the age where you’ll get married.. How can it be possible? wahahaha.. Bluff people one.. 😛

Will update on Uncle Jon & Lydia’s wedding next entry! Stay tuned for the antics of NSmen Gfs – FP 2005!

I’m sinking again.. I’m sorry to disappoint everyone that has been supporting me throughout these few weeks.. I thought i was alright.. i thought i could be strong and let go.. i thought i could start moving on.. But… i really cant..

Val, TH, Pat, Lydia, Uncle Jon, Pam, Jean, Serene, Hwee, XB and the rest.. I’m sorry to disappoint u all.. All the walls i’ve erected around me have suddenly come tumbling down again.. I cant be strong, i cant stop thinking of him, i feel so lonely and empty even though I know all of u love me.. Even when im out supposedly having fun, i feel the emptiness and hollow in me. And it just keeps getting worse.. I cant seem to pull myself out of this no matter how hard i try.

I keep entertaining hopes.. Hopes that will not be fulfilled.. Keep telling myself over and over again, this situation would not change. But I cant help having the hope that one day, one fine day.. when he’s done with his studies and has a career, he will start to miss me and come back. I keep searching for the answer. Even though the answer is there, right before my eyes, i refuse to believe it and keep trying to find the answer that i want. End up, feeling depressed when i dont get the answer that i want.

I just cant let everything that we had go to nothing.. i thought we could stay friends, but i still cant stand the thought of him going out with her, cant bear the thought that someone else would soon take my place in his heart, take my place in his family, his house, his room.. i start getting clingy and all, and i know he’s getting impatient. he’s going to start hating me soon if i keep this up. i know.. but the thought of knowing that he’ll not love me as he used to, care for me as he used to, made it even more unbearable..

I yearn for his physical presence, to be able to feel his strong arms around me, to stroke my hair and tell me everything is ok.. To give me a reassuring kiss that he’ll always be here for me like before.. i just hate myself for being so weak, caving in and giving up on my heart vs brain battle.. i always let my feelings get the better of me, i get emotional and stop making sense.. even to the extent of trying to put myself into trouble just to test if he still cares..

yes, u say im stupid.. im not being logical.. i just cant help it.. just cant..

the strong and confident wanjing is not here anymore. in her place, its the weepy, crying, weak, desperate, clingy, hopeless girl. one who keep searching and looking for ways or people to validate her existence, that she deserves to be loved the way she needs and wants. keep hoping that he will one day come back and say he had regretted his previous decision..

there is not one day that i do not think of him. it’s been almost 2 weeks, i tried being strong for 1 week+.. but i cant pretend anymore. its very tiring.. at times, i can talk freely about him without crying, sometimes i feel angry at him and want to hate him, when i see/hear/remember things in our past, the sweet days together, everything that he had said, our promises to one another, i just crumble.. into tiny tiny crumbs.. my heart just gets cut, crushed, pounded and turn into nothing but specks of dust.

i feel so exhausted, i dowan to try anymore, but now my brain refuses to give up.. my heart is non existent anymore, but the hollow and emptiness still hurts.. it just hurts to bad, i dont know how to overcome the pain. tears keep coming, they refuse to go away..

Darling, i really miss u.. and i’ll always love you..

我问为什么
那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什么
不解释低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我
不愿意敷衍我
还是明白
你已不想挽回什么

想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕
真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
谁记得
谁忘了

想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕
真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
谁忘了

我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动
求我原谅抱得我都痛

我记得你在背后
也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌
最美的烟火
最长的相拥
谁爱得太自由
谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心
谁忘了那就是承诺

谁自顾自地走
谁忘了看着我
谁让爱变沉重
谁忘了要给你温柔

我怀念的
我还有想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口

我放手
我让座
假洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得

太爱了
所以我
没有哭
没有说

作词:姚若龙作曲:李偲菘

又站在你家的门口
我们重复沉默
这样子单方面的守候
还能多久
终于你开口向我诉说她有多温柔
虽然你还握着我的手
但我已不在你心中
我真的懂
你不是喜新厌旧
是我没有
陪在你身边
当你寂寞时候
别再看着我
说着你爱过
别太伤痛
我不难过
这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流
我也不懂
就让我走
让我开始享受自由
回忆很多
你的影子也会充满我生活
我并不懦弱
你比谁都懂
虽然寂寞
这会是我
最后的宽容
抱紧我
再抱紧我
这一份感动
请你让我留在胸口
别再说是你的错
爱到了尽头
是非对错
就让它随风
忘了所有
过得比你快活
不要再说
或许这是最好的结果
现在分手
总好过你不爱我一拖再拖
松开你的手
离开你左右
我向前走
这会是我
真正的解脱

孙燕姿 – 我不难过

Had dinner with Val last night at Ma Maison. Was a great dinner, had 20% off cos it was Ladies’ Night on Mondays. Hohohoho..

Was a last minute decision, so didn’t bring camera. Dinner was great, the place was cosy, service was very attentive. I like!! Will bring Furry there next time.

 What we ordered:

 

Escargots baked with Garlic Butter – $9.50

 

 Tonkatsu Set with Fried Pork cutlet, Rice, Soup, Salad and Sesame Ice Cream – $19.50

Other dishes include 2 Clam Chowders and my Squid ink spaghetti, couldn’t get the pics.

Total came up to around $57+ after the 20% discount. Hee.. So happy with the dinner, and the chat with Val.

Should grab the guys and meetup soon as well..

It’s National Day today. Hearing all the national day songs makes me feel nostalgic lah..

Furry and I participated in NDP as part of the combined schools choir back in 1998. We were only 14 lah.. Had so much fun then hanging out every Sat with our choir buddies.

Time has passed so fast.. We’re getting older.. Haiyo.. 😦

Went Ikea with Furry last Sat to shop for some furniture for his new room. We got a black bed side table, and a 1 seater sofa. I went to get a red rug as well! He has moved to his sis’s room after she moved out.. Now Furry’s room looks very different from last time.. Hoho.. *happy*

Somehow, after we have our own room, I have uh.. become more auntie.. I keep going to Daiso.. At first, to buy his fav caramel corn and the soya sauce crackers, den to buy a container for his knick-knacks from his pockets. Today, I bought window cleaner, wood cleaner and lint remover to clean the carpet.. Omg..

Still havent gotten to process and upload the pics from my Genting trip.. Haiyo.. So nua… Perhaps I might do it this weekend.. Might.. Wahahahahahahha…

20th July 2007 (20072007) was an important day for Furry’s family.

It was his sis’s wedding! It is the highlight of the year for me.

The beautiful couple (Robin & Hwee), Furry and I have been making preparations on and off for this event!

Here are pics by Furry, some highlights of the day!

While Robin and xiong dis at their new place getting ready to go,

Hwee and her jie meis are getting busy too! After putting on her veil, she went into her room to await Robin’s arrival. She was radiant and energetic. Just look at her smiles..

 

Aha! Robin and xiong dis are here!!! SABO TIME!!!!!!

 

There were 3 rounds of sabo:

1) Robin had to sing the song that he composed for Hwee when he proposed to Hwee to neighbours, who then had to say if he was good enough to proceed.  Since he was a good singer to begin with, this was chicken feet lah..

2) Jie meis prepared tiny hearts to be stuck at a few places on the xiong di’s bodies. This included the nape of the neck, behind the ear, armpit, butt and *ahem* The Mighty Blue Bird .

3) Robin perform lion dance, peel oranges to form the words I Love U, and the same time, compose a 对联 to tell Hwee of her importance to him.

4) Lastly, is the 开门红包, this was the ultimate one. Robin and all his xiong dis came up with this idea of giving ALL their credit cards to the jie meis to bribe their way through.. It’s a very good idea indeed. Look at how happy the jie meis are!

The rest of the morning was spent travelling to Robin’s place and back to Hwee’s for the tea ceremony.

______________________________________________________________________________________

The dinner was a really hectic event, was held at Noble House at Tanjong Pagar.

I was busy ushering Furry’s relatives to their tables, dealing with “How come you put Uncle A and Uncle B together? They buay gam one leh!” and “I wanna sit with my mummy“s, and Furry was busy snapping pics of everyone. But I believe all of us had a great time! Let the pictures tell the story!

The Couple:

Everyone else:

Last of all, here’s one of Furry and me. *yay!*